This piece is dedicated to Professor Paula Caligiuri who always reminded me that my tribe can be found anywhere, whether it’s back at home or out in the world. Thank you for mentoring me these past two years and for constantly encouraging me to surround myself with people that build me up. 

“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together.” -Marina Keegan, The Opposite of Loneliness

Webster Dictionary defines loneliness as a feeling of depression resulting from being alone. But what’s the opposite? How would you describe the overwhelming feeling of joy you feel when you are surrounded by people that lift you up? Togetherness? Keegan describes it as an abundance of people who are in this together. But I would argue this feeling goes beyond that.

It’s not just surrounding yourself with people, but with people that complement you. People that lift you up, people that push you to be the best version of yourself, people that make you want to be and do better. It’s not constant human stimulation nor is it a feeling only experienced by extroverts because here’s what I’ve learned: Your vibe attracts your tribe. We naturally attract people who give off the same energy and vibes we do. Our personalities, our beliefs, and our values attract people with similar ones.

At the biological core of it all, we as humans are made of cells, cells that are made of atoms, and atoms that are made of subatomic particles. Years of research has us now understanding that these particles are not the solid, immobile particles we once believed them to be but rather vibrating waves of energy. So at our core, we are vibrational energy, emitting and receiving energy with every thought, movement, and emotion. We literally give off vibes. Incredible.

Our fight or flight instinct, the chemistry we feel when we find soulmates (whether platonic or romantic), and our ability to attract certain people are rooted in this vibrational energy. Our instincts, streams of conscious and unconscious thoughts, and emotions are fundamentally vibes. And these vibes, like radio waves, are constantly sent out and received. And I believe with all my heart that the vibes we send out are the ones we receive back. Your vibe attracts your tribe, biologically and spiritually.

So Professor Caliguiri was right, there was nothing to worry about returning home. We all find our tribe: an incredible group of people, whether big or small, to surround ourselves with that share in our passions, push us to be the best version of ourselves, make us laugh until it hurts, and most importantly, pick us up when us inevitably fall.

So whatever the word is for the opposite of loneliness, that’s what I want at the root of every friendship, every relationship. I want to be surrounded by people that find the world absolutely fascinating, that are always up for an adventure whether on home soil or on new grounds, and that love wholeheartedly.

And I’ve found just that travelling the world. A sense of togetherness and mutually shared longing for the same thing: adventure. A common language, not English, Spanish, or Chinese, but the understanding of what it’s like to leave, experience, grow and change. And an understanding of what it’s like to feel like our best selves when we’re out in the world and then feel totally lost when we return home.

But I’ve also found this feeling back home at a time when I didn’t think I could. Returning from a roaming year out in the world made it seem impossible to find people on the same wavelength as me. But I did. I found it in old friends and new friends. I found it at times and in places I least expected. Because like Professor Caliguiri always reminds me, we all find our tribes. We all grow our tribes, both at home and out in the world. And we all find the people that best complement us because our vibe, both biologically and spiritually, attract our tribe no matter where we are in the world.

So the opposite of loneliness doesn’t arise when we surround ourselves with just anyone. It isn’t exclusively for extroverts with charismatic personalities either. And it isn’t just found when travelling. The fuel behind this overwhelmingly positive feeling is a deep understanding of who you are, what you want, and who you strive to be. When you’ve given yourself the time to better understand yourself first, you look for similar qualities in other people, both consciously and subconsciously. And in turn, your vibes, your energy, and your passions draw your tribe.

Returning to Boston last September gave me the chance to grow my tribe. And here I am doing the same again in Kenya. So here’s to every single person I’ve met throughout my travels, every single person that was brave and caring enough to exchange stories with me and share in laughter and pain, and every single person that felt the healing power of travelling.

And here’s to every person that made leaving Boston so hard. To those who were a part of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. To those who pushed me intellectually and spiritually. To those I grew comfortable enough to sit in silence with. To those who made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe. And to those who picked me up when I felt like I was falling apart. Here’s to every single person who complements me. Here’s to our tribes.

Adventure is out there! -El