#ViajoSola

In February, the bodies of two Argentinian women were found dumped on an Ecuadorian beach in plastic bags. They had been robbed and violently killed while backpacking through South America. Following the outbreak of the news, people were asking “Why were these two girls travelling around Ecuador alone?” And that question right there is everything wrong with this world.

When this story hit the media, our society immediately blamed the victims rather than recognizing that this was an inhumane crime. Our society immediately tried to claim that their deaths happened because these two women provoked it by travelling “by themselves”. Our society tried to scare women around the world into not travelling by themselves, using this story as an emotional argument.

We as women are constantly reminded that we should dress ugly and not wear any makeup to keep attention away from ourselves, that we should always stick together and be back before dark, and that we should be careful with the people we meet because they may want something more from us. The world is blaming these two beautiful souls for what happened to them. But let’s get one thing clear: it wasn’t their fault. It was the fault of those men or women who brutally robbed and killed them. It was the fault of those men or women who had no respect for human life. It’s the criminals, not the victims that need to be blamed.

Our society shouldn’t be asking: “Why were they travelling alone?” or “What were they wearing?” or “Why weren’t they more careful?” These are all the wrong questions. These are the kinds of questions that stagnate change. Quite frankly, they weren’t travelling alone. They were travelling together, but our society views travelling without a man as travelling alone.

After the release of this story, questions like these circulated around the media but solo female travellers all around the world poured out into social media, defending their right to travel alone. The hashtag #ViajoSola (“I travel alone” in Spanish) made its way around the world. Female travellers everywhere spoke up about their right to travel alone and their right to not need a man by their side while exploring the world. This empowering hashtag movement hits home for me. My love for exploring and adventuring in the world shouldn’t be jeopardized because of my gender. This world is mine to explore. It’s mine, it’s yours, it’s ours. And no one can ever take that right away from us.

Here I am working in Spain, thousands of miles away from home and solo travelling around Europe nearly every weekend. I’m sitting here reminiscing about the incredible time my sister and I had when we travelled South America last summer.  I’m getting excited about the adventures my sister and I are going to have in Central and Eastern Europe this August. I’m starting to map out my plans to move to Hong Kong alone soon to experience the world my parents came from. And I’m getting excited thinking about the next annual Kwan sisters trip to Southeast Asia. Why should my plans be altered because you don’t think it’s safe for me to travel alone? Tell me why you don’t think it’s safe for me to travel alone. The second you mention my gender, I’ve disregarded you.

Every weekend that I’ve gone away alone in Europe, without fail I get asked “Why did you go alone?” and “Were you scared?” and “Did you feel lonely?” I get quizzical looks when I say “Table for one”. But let me tell you something, I absolutely love being a solo female traveller. I love making and breaking my own agenda. I love eating whenever I want. I love seeing and doing whatever I want. I love the confusion of getting lost followed by the feeling of accomplishment when I figure it out. I love the feeling of stepping out of my comfort zone and feeling disoriented when I get off the bus. I love the friendships I’ve made that all start with “What brings you here?” I love all the positive energy that I give and receive along the way. And I love being able to experience the world the way I want.  My way of thinking has been shaped by my experiences. And I’ve chosen to gather my experiences away from home and outside of my comfort zone.

I’ll be honest, contrary to my social media posts, my trips aren’t always all highs. Last month I traveled by myself to Rome. I arrived at the bus station past midnight and I found myself surrounded by people who called the pavement around the bus station their home, people who whistled at me and got up in my face, people who followed me, and people who smiled at me with a secret agenda behind their eyes. I had never been so scared and insecure in my life. But I kept on going, hiding my fear and holding my head up high because in a world where two Argentinian female travellers are blamed for their death, us solo female travellers need to keep moving forward and not let the fears instilled in us by society stop us from traveling alone.

It wasn’t until I reached the hostel that I let myself go. Let the tremors get to my hands, let my heart pound out of my chest, and let me breaths go short. This blog post isn’t my way of telling people that I’m fearless. Because I’m not. I get scared, I doubt myself. But if I let that get in the way every time, I’d be walking in circles around my hometown, never having left. I would never have eaten all the gelato that I did that weekend in Rome. I would never have eaten more than three meals a day just because. I would never have woken up at 7AM to make a wish in Trevi Fountain and enjoy the calming sounds of the fountain without the crowd of selfie sticks. My weekend in Rome isn’t defined by that one uncomfortable walk from the bus station. And neither will any of my other adventures. Because as much as we try to escape the bad going on back home by travelling and constantly moving, it’s never all sunshine and rainbows. But who would want that anyways! The rough patches make the solutions we reach by ourselves that much more worth it. We build tougher skin and we keep on going forward.

The media more often than not highlights the bad in the world but that’s not in any way proportional to our lives. There’s so much good in the world. So much to be grateful for. So much to be celebrated. That feeling I felt walking from the bus station was fleeting. It came and gone. I send my deepest condolences to the family and friends of those two strong Argentinian backpackers. Never in a million years would I ever, ever say it was their fault. No one in the world should be saying it was their fault. And the media had no right to frame it as if it was their fault. I grieve with the rest of the solo female travellers out there but I bet you those two strong women wouldn’t want the world telling us to stop travelling out of fear. They’d want us to finish their adventure for them. And remember them as beautiful, strong, independent female travellers.

We’re all born with instinct. I trust my gut instincts. No one else can dictate my gut instincts and I in no way can dictate someone else’s. If I stayed home for all the times I feared being in danger, I would never have left home. I would never have met the people I know today. I would never have fallen in love with the world. No one, especially not the media, can tell me or even “strongly discourage” me from seeing the world.

Now some of you maybe be thinking “Yeah well Europe is much safer than South America. It’s probably easier to travel around by yourself.” So let me just stop you there. I and female travellers all around the world should never, ever be told where they can and cannot travel to alone. That’s something I get to decide for myself. No one else in the entire world knows what my limits are except for me. And no one else in the entire world gets to decide for me where those limits end. If my gut instincts tell me not to travel to Ecuador alone, then I won’t. But it won’t be because the media told me not to.

I love seeing the world. I love seeing the world on my terms. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love travelling with company. But there’s a beauty to travelling alone. There’s a peace that you can’t find when traveling with others. It’s those moments where you realize so much time has passed because you’ve just been swimming in your thoughts. It’s all those little things you learn about yourself when you don’t have a crutch to lean on. It’s the freedom of knowing that no one can set your limits for you.

I urge you, whatever gender you are, to explore the world by yourself even for just a weekend, to overcome the discomforts of eating alone and being alone with your thoughts, to not lean on a crutch, and to never let other people tell you that you can’t. A year ago, I did everything in my power to not be by myself. I remember clearly one morning over breakfast in Valparaiso, my sister asked me “Have you ever eaten out by yourself?” I cringed at the thought and shook my head vigorously.  No way in hell would I do that. Think about all the weird looks I would get. Who would I talk to? What would I do to pass the time? No way. All the thoughts that ran through my head (and probably came out of my mouth). But today, I am so thankful for the strong role model I have. My sister and I, as opposite as I thought we were, have so much in common and so much to be learned from one another. She’s taught me how to be a strong solo female traveller, and a strong woman.

She’s taught me to slow down, to appreciate being by myself, and to get energy from myself. A year ago, I was bouncing off the walls, constantly talking, and always itching to be surrounded by people. Today, I get overwhelmed and often leave social events early, I prefer travelling alone, and I’d always chose a night with a few close friends over a party down the road. A year ago, I was on one extreme of the scale and now I’ve fallen onto the other. But I don’t think I’ll stay here. I’m working my way to find a balance. To keep on exploring in my own ways and finding comfort in being by myself but also enjoying those nights out and being thankful for the company I’m with.

So what a year it’s been. And what a year is to come. This year has been an adventure both solo and with company. And while I was originally forced to travel alone due to conflicting schedules with my travel friends, today I choose to adventure out alone. Today I don’t hesitate for a second when I set my heart on a new city. And if my travel buddies have the time and money to come out with me, then great! If not, also great! Never again am I going to let someone, especially myself, get in the way of my adventures. Nothing is going to curb my love for adventure.

So here’s to all the people that have made my past year a success. To all the friends I’ve made along the way. To all the new and old faces that have made each and every day worth it. To all the people that never swayed as they supported my impulsive urges to explore. To my professor, Paula, who helped me understand that it’s not supposed to be easy. To my mom and dad who have never said no to me as I chased my wildest of dreams. To my brother who’s taught me that always agreeing is the easy way out and that you need to constantly fight for and defend your opinions in order to keep growing. And most of all to my sister, my best friend and my rock who challenges me every day to slow down and learn more about myself. Thank you to all the people who have helped me grow and find the confidence to travel alone.

I’ve said it throughout this blog post but I’ll say once more: Don’t let someone else set your limits and don’t be afraid to step out on your own. You’ll learn a lot about yourself, I promise. I’m living proof of that. Don’t let the world’s distorted fears hold you back but more importantly, don’t hold yourself back.

I love being a solo female traveller and I love being a citizen of the world. I love making my own agendas and being alone with my thoughts as I explore. I love pushing my limits and I love letting my gut instincts lead. I love being a solo female traveller. Adventure is out there! #ViajoSola